Im Beached As Bro...

Watch these video's below and I dare you not to piss yourself laughing.

Beached As I: the Seagul
Beached As II: The Snail
Beached As III: The Kid Whale

Stick a fork in me, im done.

'Have sex to play better'

New Delhi - India's cricketers at the Champions Trophy in South Africa are being encouraged by their coach to have sex to boost their on-field performance, a newspaper reported on Wednesday.

The benefits of sex feature prominently in a secret document circulated among players by coach Gary Kirsten and mental conditioning expert Paddy Upton, the Hindustan Times said in a front-page report.

It came as India take on arch-rivals Pakistan in their first Champions Trophy match in Centurion on Saturday.

The large-selling broadsheet, which claimed to have a copy of the document, said the relevant chapter was headlined "Does sex increase performance?".

"Yes it does, so go ahead and indulge," the document said, before detailing the benefits of a good sex life and even suggesting "going solo" if no partners were available.

"From a physiological perspective, having sex increases testosterone levels, which cause an increase in strength, energy, aggression and competitiveness," the document said.

"Conversely, not having sex for a period of a few months causes a significant drop in testosterone levels in both males and females, with the corresponding passiveness and decrease in aggression."

The document quotes Tim Noakes, a professor and sports scientist at the University of Cape Town, Kirsten's home town, as saying that "sex was not a problem, but being up till 02:00, probably having a few drinks at a bar while trying to pick someone up, on the eve of a game, almost always was."

The document helpfully suggests a solution.

"If you want sex but do not have someone to share it with, one option is to go solo whilst imagining you have a partner, or a few partners, who are as beautiful as you wish to imagine," the document said.

"No pillow talk and no hugging required. Just roll over and go to sleep."

Enforced celibacy may also affect performance, the advice said.

"You may experience that your mind spends more time focusing on the fire in your groin than on good sport practice, preparation and sleep," the document said.

The document also stresses the importance of being aggressive on the field from the start, self-improvement and healthy eating

Stats 09/10

Hall of fame stats above, to view all records, click on the pic below.

NadoeStats

Finally, TFC and Man-of-the-match will never be uncertain again. With the Lauch of NadoeStats this will never be a contested issue.

NadoeStats is a program designed to calculate a players exact influence, or lack thereof on a game. It takes a numerous amount of variable into account ranging from the obvious like: Runs, Wickets, Catches to the more obscure like: Vibe, Punctuality and Boozyness to name but a few.

A prototype will be released for the HPL that will include player price and will hopefully put to rest all the debate and unhappiness over these hotly contested issues.

NadoeRecords is another initiative that has been put together that has captured all the Nadoe performances since inception and tabulated these to give historical records for all players who have played for the Nadoes over the years. Total runs, wickets and caps can now be ascertained so it is now able to see who the most capped, and most prolific Nadoes are.

There is now nowhere to hide for the out of form...

Who's throwing stones?

A previous article put quite a bit of emphasis on stone-throwing. 'Hello kettle, I'm pot. You're Black!'

Was that not a cover giving you carte blanche Vaughan? Your attempts to divert the attention off you leave you reeking like a politician. Is this a sign of things to come? What exactly are you taking cover from anyway? Could it be that the 'Friendly W' has approached you in attempts to have you take over from Wattie? Has the Benjamin Button syndrome taken over your cricketing 'ability' now too? Do you fear Under 15C is more your weight category? Or for that matter should it be Under 18 and (38) double D? Or is it just the fact that you're leading the polls on who will be TFC this season...

I don't know - all I'm saying is that it would appear, to me, that you're hiding something fairly large and I do hope it'll be revealed soon so we can all move on. This is, after all, supposed to be a website for the wpcc nadoes 3rds vibe and not a personal dig at the uh uh, who without - the VC would just be a headless chicken.

And for the record - chef isn't into jocks...

Fastest Bird

The White Throated Needle Tail or Spine tailed swift as it is more commonly known is the fastest recorded bird on earth. It has been clocked at an amazing 171kph (106mph).

It is found to dwell in the mountainous regions of Asia and southern Siberia.This species is migratory, wintering south to Australia. It is a rare vagrant in western Europe, but has been recorded as far west as Norway, Sweden and Great Britain. (wikipedia)

The reason I am telling you this is because it seems there is a new bird on the block that is apparently faster. The Long Haired Clare or Kenny's Clare as it is affectionately known has made quite a stir since coming onto the scene a few short months ago.

It is rumoured to have completed the 2oceans half marathon in a phenomenal time of 1:28, thus making it the fastest bird known to man. It has been spotted in and around the oblivion area. This particular species is drawn to loud singing drunkenness and can understand, and speak in the most indistinguishable of dialects.

It also allegedly has magical powers that ensnare others into changing. We shall see..

Are we happy???

Gents, I would like to put out a challenge to all, to think of/ invent/steal some new songs for the coming year. The sounds of people being 'raised up' and 'being happy' are great and an institution, but there is no doubt that a few new, well-thought-out tunes would be welcome. SO the challenge is out there- the best new song will get either a case of beer or a night with the chef of oblivion!! the choice is yours!!

Vaughan

Selection criteria explained

As this is something of a hot topic in all sports teams it may as well be somthing that gets some air-time in the hotly contested cauldron that is the WPCC Nadoes 3rds- or WN3's!

As a member of the selection committee (this could change though should a new captain be elected- I've heard Ginny and Sibu's name bandied about??), I sit with a few others and decide upon the teams for the weekend. When it comes to the time to select the WN3's it is never an easy task. Sometimes we have numbers streaming in to play, whilst other times, the like of a tall, hairy all rounder, and a goldfish looking left hander have been known to have other arrangements with better halves. one also has to cater for the wlakabout tendencies of a nuggety batsman who jumps and jives all over the country, as well as the tendency for our rocket to pick up a malfunction deeming him unavailable. One also needs to bear in mind that a few players may be pissed from the night before and bring along a few rowdy mates to shout/hoot from their cars. variables there are a plenty. All in all one tries to reward loyalty as well as form, and this is how it will stay this year.

Then there are a few other things that need to be born in mind. Does this person serve the best interests of the team in the field? Does their disability hinder them from peak-performance? is there liking for culinary delights removing their focus from the game? Do they attempt to wrestle power away from the true VC, and over do their role as the Uh-uh? Does their desire for one of our 1st team players's sister cause friction within the club?

All of these questions will weigh on the minds of the selectors this year. But one thing is for sure, no stone will be left unturned to top this league!! And thanks Great for startin this site, your loyalty will be noted come selection meeting time, unlike others who have chosen only to throw stones!!

comment on Dayne's post!!!

I would like to inform all reading, that the Guru indeed lives large. Just last week a young lady had the pleasure of coming to my humble abode, and upon entering my room, had to say " I have something to tell you" Wow the fateful words made me think, "A boyf?, that time of the month?, you are lesbian?" no not atl all, she wanted to tell me that she'd been with the guru some time back and was this ok with me?!! I mean, wow.

Quick as a flash I mentioned that if having been with the guru was a criteria for abstinence, I'd have trouble finding any young doll in CT!!

Guru: The Enigma

It was over one of my usual coffees at Vida, where I go to do all my thinking, that I happened to shoot a glance at the headlines of the morning’s Cape Times. “The Guru is off the Market” it read in bold Times New Roman font. The woman reading it let out a low sigh, “That’s a pity” she uttered. I thought nothing of it at first, but then I got to thinking, why does the Guru illicit such a response from Cape Town’s women. I asked around and found, not only was this not an isolated incident, but women had been seen to openly weep at the reading of the news.

Why was this? So I did some digging. My search took me to the Rondebosch Library. I poured over ancient texts and inscriptions written centuries ago by men far wiser than I. My search yielded no valuable information. I packed up my stuff, angry and frustrated that I was no closer to understanding the Enigma that is the Guru. I was walking out past the rows of books when a delightful looking 1^st year dropped the pile of books she was carrying. Being the Gentleman that I am, I offered to help. I noticed the title of the first book, “Men: What am I doing wrong?”

Hectique I thought as I managed a slight smile. She was now embarrassed, realizing I had read the title and she blushed. “All cuz of the damn GURU!” she hissed in a top class Joburg accent (Baxter I though, maybe bi-curios). I froze, my mind racing, “Excuse me miss, did you just say the Guru is responsible for your predicament?” I uttered, now wild with apprehension. “Well, um, you see, we were both really drunk…I don’t usually do things like that…I mean he was the Guru after all, he had me at hello.” SWEET-JESUS-H-CHRIST, Jackpot!!!

I had a real life Guru conquest in my very hands! The questions flooded into my head!! What line got you? Is he really as good as he claims he is? Does he pay for your taxi home afterwards? But I knew there was only 1 question I needed to ask… What is so special about the Guru?

She looked at me incredulously, as if it were obvious. After what felt like a full minute (I swear I could hear the hamster wheel squeaking) she mustered up a response. “Its just his vibe. He whispers nice things to you, makes you feel special, then he acts like he’s not interested, it drove me wild!!! I wanted him, but was angry at him at the same time for flirting with other girls. I was so confused, then he pounced and it was all over, and before I knew it, I was in a taxi on the way home (he paid, I checked).

So there it is folks. Smoke and mirrors is how he operates. Be mean and keep em keen and You want what you cant have are maxim's he lives by. This is the recipe that has brought this man so much success on the Dance floors of Tiger Tiger and Pulse.

But alas, the legend has died because he has been taken from us far before his time, and before we were ready to let him go.

It has in deed died, or has it…

Nadoes CC Amped for 09/10 season

This years season seems to be hotting up with much banter flowing even before the first ball has bee bowled. With the HPL causing such hype, it is only left to the imagination how amped the lads will be this year as they find themselves competing in a new league comprising of only 2nd teams.

Many Questions remain unanswered, who will be TFC? Who will be players player? SO much to play for and so few places available. Lets see what the season brings...

Nadoes CC Website Underway

Its on kids as the innagural Nadoes Cricket Website is underway!!

Watch this space